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colin wakner
05-06-2003, 18:43
It's midsummer and I'm BORED.
Want a game of Mornington Crescent, then??
Keep it simple, we'll use Steinerwicz's rules, third edition revised 1923.
Cross-overs are allowed, but not on base-runs, unless on the Metropolitan line, where, of course, you could also flip.
I'll start, nice easy one for you;
Tottenham Court Road.
You?
colin wakner
05-06-2003, 18:53
Turnham Green?
You know I could pass?
Clapham Common, then.
stonekeeper
05-06-2003, 18:59
Wher can i find the rules .
Turnham green District line
Clapham common Northern line
need to know how
blackpudding
05-06-2003, 19:10
chaps, moved this to the message board games forum.
colin wakner
05-06-2003, 19:16
The rules are perfectly simple, but date from 125bc, and were introduced into this country by the Romans. There are many variations to the simple rules, of which we, in Britain, tend to use the 24 latest variations. As Grand-master Mornington Crescent players improve with the use of modern technology, we have to revise and update the rules accordingly. So I suggest that you firstly approach the British library who will no doubt have, in stock, the REGIS variatioins 3, 4, 4a, 4b, 4b(1), 5 and 6a(i),(ii) and (iii). All this is standard for beginners who can learn the basics of "turn", "Shift", the "Andopoulees backward-flip", "reverse drift (declined)" or "accepted" and how and when to use "splinter".
The best thing to do, really, is start and pick up the rules as you go along. Learning the colours of the lines is not important, as the game was developed in black-and-white.
Have fun;
My move, Redbridge.
See, if you look at that, you will see how easy it is, and I am just a novice. I could have gone to Hammersmith, but there are two possibilities there, and my opponent would have to guess as to which one was correct, based on my previous two moves.
You are a novice! Redbridge, under Steinerwicz's third? Are you mad????
Start again; Ealing Broadway
paula_m
05-06-2003, 23:59
(bloody hell, I got lost just reading the rules... I'll think I'll just watch this one :lol: ) welcome to the games board though, please feel free to join in :roll:
V Shaped Badge
06-06-2003, 00:18
Is this a foreign language?
What is a Steinerwicz??
Who are these people in the games area???
paula_m
06-06-2003, 00:20
Don't knock 'em Craig they might join in the other games... I agree with the other bit though :?
Clerkenwell
all non players off the green please.
that's if this is still the original game.
if we are starting from ealing broadway then i'll go Mayfair
btw, who's in the chair? is it still humph?
so to recap,it's:
ealing broadway > mayfair if it's a new game
ealing broadway > clerkenwell if it's still the original
ruling please?
Aaaaarghhh!!!! Did I really say Ealing Broadway under Steinerwicz 3?? I 'm sorry, I meant Ealing Common
I'm surprised you didn't spot that Phil! Fortunately I don't think a retained forfeit applies on Fridays. Still, it buggers up either of your moves!
Jarrow Arrow
06-06-2003, 15:51
Are we playing by Stovolds rules?
If so Elephant & Castle
Haven't they demolished Mayfair and replaced it with a block of trendy flats?
stonekeeper
06-06-2003, 19:29
Sorry i Bl****y asked now :lol:
I thought it was to do with the underground but avoiding Mornington Crescent or not allowing opponent to get there from where you said or something similar but never mind. :cry:
Am going on a new ward tomorrow. :?
Steinerwicz3 doesn't allow you to use Ealing Common except in rush hour traffic vbl. You posted at 13.49. Therefore all subsequent moves are valid as lomg as there's not a full moon.
Elephant & Castle > Shaftesbury Avenue.
That buggers you vbl because you can't play out of sequence :lol: :twisted:
colin wakner
07-06-2003, 20:52
Look, the rules and amendments were perfectly clear when we started; and I have been away for two days and the game's nowhere near finished yet. This was supposed to be SIMPLE in case we had any newcomers.
Now look at my tactics; HINT; loop. Right???
Leicester Square.
YES I CAN.
Now you.
colin wakner
07-06-2003, 20:53
Oh, about demolishing mayfair...they did and moved everyone to Milton Keynes.
Ha! Sorry Colin, I couldn't see the wood for the trees
Leicester Square, yeah, nice one
but not as nice as
COCKFOSTERS
lets see philb bluster his way out of that!
Cockfosters vbl!!!! Come off it pal. You're playing right into my hands. If I go back to Leicester Square, Colin has got to play Hyde Park Corner and you are left with a choice of Northumberland Avenue or Tooting Bec. Either way I win!!
As I'm feeling charitable though I will go to Goodge Street (Bill Tidy's favourite ploy)
Not so fast my fine friend; you appear to have overlooked the bifurcation at Camden Town
I knew you'd fall for it!
Does that qualify as a Hunslet? Where's Colin??
Steinerwicz 3 does not permit Hunslets even if there is a bifurcation. And you mean Camden Lock not Town. Sucker!!
It bl**dy does! We're using Revised 1923 remember!!
I draw to your attention that 2003 is NOT a leap year
V Shaped Badge
08-06-2003, 00:38
I refer you to ask a silly question.
Good manners would insist message boarders are at least given the rules of a game as it starts.
Craig, I have sent you a pm and a text message to spare your embarrassment :roll:
It bl**dy does! We're using Revised 1923 remember!!
I draw to your attention that 2003 is NOT a leap year
sorry veebs :oops: you are right. I forgot it was revised. You win this time but I've got the measure of your tactics now.
Back to Cockfosters? In which case > Islington (not thrilling but safe)
stonekeeper
08-06-2003, 18:53
I am on my way to play this game honest!
At the moment im stuck in a lift to the platform at Waterloo. :?
Laurence
09-06-2003, 02:23
Best to get off at London Bridge walk to Liverpool St. Train to Stratford leave station by back door, go along embankment enter infrastructure building first room on right is my old classroom - I will give you free coffee
Jarrow Arrow
09-06-2003, 08:18
Amateurs! The Lot of You!
Peckham :twisted:
Amateur perhaps, but I know you can't play Peckham on a weekday under Steinwicz 3, let alone the Revised 1923 version. You were 7 hours 18mins too late
You could have played
ARNOS GROVE :roll:
Err, what was the last move exactly? Oh, hang on, I've just noticed that if I voluntarily forfeit 2 red tokens and play my Joker, I can claim Django's Rights and move to Mill Street from either Peckham or Arnos Grove.
Mill Street it is then!
Jarrow Arrow
09-06-2003, 10:36
Steinwicz 3, let alone the Revised 1923 version???
Ahh I was forgetting that the amateur leagues kept the Weekend rule!
Which was of course abandoned by the Northern players at their breakaway conference at the Queen Victoria Public House in Thornton Cleveleys on 14th May 1931. Thus making the game more attractive to spectators in an attempt to lure them away from rival pursuits of ferret racing and lard throwing.
In that case it has to be Grays Inn Road.
Notorious DRP
09-06-2003, 10:47
Starting from Embankment I want to throw in a Gerhauzenspittler cross-weave via Paddington, which I believe earns me 14 spinglers and a squimbie. If I then hop deuceways backside across to Euston (clearly allowable under sub-section 3.73 paragraph FOUR of the 1811 Austerlingbutthouse variant, I think you'll find) I claim refuge from all players.
Now unless anyone can provide 6 silver tokens AND two gamebits under the Easter 66 refinement I believe that means I win.
Oh and I've just observed that as it's a Monday, philb's last move is invalid (neighbouring station closures under the 4th protocol remember)
I do believe that The Good Doctor is not taking this seriously
Notorious DRP
09-06-2003, 12:01
How dare you. I was revelling in own audacity there.
Holborn and out!
Jarrow Arrow
09-06-2003, 12:16
and Out?!!?
That move was outlawed many years ago ater it povoked a near riot in the 1894 Varsity match.
I am sorry but if that is the road we are going down I will have to contact the Committee for a ruling!
Notorious DRP
09-06-2003, 12:48
Think you'll find I'm okay as I said "and out" rather than "and Out" which holds a totally different imperative under the old '23 rules.
okay but can you use Nesbitt's committee (lang. End., southerly 2 degrees west) as they tend to look favourably on me after my outrageous use of the Mizorksy opening in my last game
Can I just point out that it should be Colin after me so technically we are all still playing from Mill Street as you all went out of turn.
Hello? Is there anyone still here? It's very dark, please turn on a light somebody. Erm, ok, I'll have a go. Be gentle with me if I make a wrong move.
Eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm....Altrincham!!!!!! No, I mean Eccles. Oh sod it, let's go for Piccadilly Gardens.
What? Oh, THOSE tram tracks. You mean the ones in the tunnels? So Moseley Street and Besses O'th Barn are out then?
I'll get me coat. Hang on, who's moved my flamin' jacket? Look, will you just turn a light on for pity's sake. It's not funny now.
Mummmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Jarrow Arrow
11-06-2003, 12:43
Whose go is it? :?
And where are we? :?
Jarrow Arrow
11-06-2003, 12:46
Can we have a ruling please, Humph?
It should be Colin's go but he seems to have disappeared - probably beneath Samantha. I suggest we start again. Same rules.
Kentish Town
Jarrow Arrow
11-06-2003, 15:25
Oooh cagey!!! :o
Leicester Square.
That's two of the worst openings I've ever seen.
Embankment, ha, obviously.
Now, a shiny farthing to the first player to escape from that one!!
Oh I'm soooo embarrassed. I've just noticed my enormous error. Sorry for taking the mickey lads. Wasn't such a bad opening after all.
When I said Embankment, what I really meant was Canada Water.
How could I have been so careless? :roll:
Did you really say Canada Water? I don't believe it!
MORNINGTON CRESCENT!!!!!!
I thank you!
Now ordinarily, I would stand up, shake your hand and doff my cap in your general direction. However.....
It's Wednesday. A Wednesday in June. June of 2003. And of course you couldn't possibly have failed to notice that the Brazilian festival of Sao Fernandao is but two weeks away.
And what happens when Sao Fernandao is but two weeks away AND falls on a Wednesday in June? Canada Water is exempt from being the latent buffer for Mornington Crescent. As well you know.
So, now that you've been shown up for the cheap fraudster that you are...
Putney Bridge.
(And don't insult me by countering with the Morgan-Lewis argument!!!)
Oops! I forgot that when there's an international on TV Steinerwicz 3 plays international rules
Under the Barons Court fair play convention I am bound to withdraw from this game
carry on chaps, and may the best man win :oops:
Well I don't think you need to go that far. So you made a mistake. It happens to all of us. Come on, carry on playing. The international's finished now, so it's back to normal rules.
Just don't be too hard on yourself, okay?
Jarrow Arrow
12-06-2003, 11:12
Well it has to be Canary Wharf.
A cheep move. :roll:
Ha! I knew someone would make that mistake sooner or later.
Highbury.
No backchats.
Assuming that we are allowed to travel anti-clockwise whilst observing the natural rules pertaining to one way streets, I reckon a good move will be to go ..... Stoke Newington.
I've done my statutory 16 day penalty :D
Not bad Phil, I'll go along with that, moving smartly along to
HYDE PARK CORNER
Who's still in?
Looks like the others have passed so I will offer ... KENSINGTON HIGH STREET
Jarrow Arrow
30-06-2003, 12:41
Some serious playing being done here!
Trafalgar Square.
Impressive move Mr Arrow! But as we are playing on the new 3 dimensional board (as seen in Star Trek) I will hop from top board to bottom and land on Northumberland Avenue. 8)
I thought that the 3D board was still at prototype stage. How long has it been legal tender on the European Mornington Crescent circuit?
If you're going to change the rules mid-game then it's only fair that I can play my joker.
So, I offer the Albert Lockley shift manouever and I'm moving everyone's pieces to Maida Vale.
All except mine which shall move three reels forward to West India Quay.
Perfick!!
As we are using Steinerwicz 3 (revised) I assumed EVERYONE knew about the 3D board.
Maida Vale is ok for me because I can use my Independence Day token to travel by hyperspace to ..........
MORNINGTON CRESCENT!!
:overwhel:
New game anyone?
I propose that we use Ogden's Golden Flake variation thereby allowing players to peel off at any major junction (3 or more intersections of course).
Sloane Square
As I'm off soon for the weekend, I will be interested to see how this develops.
A-haaaaaaaa. Surely that should have been "InDependance", not "InCepandance"???
Your move's void. Ha.
Holborn.
Oh sorry. Bit slow there. OK, fresh game.
Oooo, good opening.
Ermmmmm, reverse to Kensington.
Hmm, tricky. The obvious move is Parliament Square but with roadworks on all major bridges that could be self defeating.
Notting Hill Gate
Surely that's over cautious.
May I make so bold as to head for Oxford Circus?
Remember that the tortoise won Craig.
Bromley Rise (there is method in my madness)
Dear, dear Philip. The tortoise may have won the race, but look at the size of the hare's ears.
Earl's Court.
You ought to know that size isn't everything Craig. Have you seen the travel version of this game?
Had Philipoussis won, that would have been a good move. Haply I have 2 ls. Hence > Piccadilly Circus.
Don't forget the roadworks. Ha ha!
Oh, I see. So that's how it is, is it? Playing dirty. Well, let me tell YOU something, young fella-me-lad, you can't intimidate me with your cunning moves and bold strategies.
Great Portland Street (thus avoiding the roadworks AND by-passing the congestion charge zone!!).
Well?
Excellent move Craig. I honestly never saw that one coming. Need to think carefully now. Erm, ... no that won't do. Oh, I see. Yes that would work but it is a bit of a gamble. Still, cannot see a better alternative. OK -
East Lancs Road.
Hang on. It clearly states in the Mornington Crescent Pocket Gem Book of Rules (Unabridged Version) that only stations which fall under the Borough of Greater London are eligible for use under Steinwotsit 3.
So I think that your cheeky and somewhat irreverant use of East Lancs Road is stepping outside of the bounds of legality. A bit.
Anyway, London, London, London.....
Besses-o'th-Barn.
(And is it just me or has this game deteriorated into me versus you? I think we is on us own, I say boy, on us own.)
Steinbeck was the previous game. Remember we are now on Ogden's. :lol:
As for it just being the two of us, it's not our fault that others failed to qualify is it?
Anyway, on with the game ........
Little Lever
How could I have been so foolish? I feel that I should resign immediately from this game. But I'm not going to.......
Piccadilly Gardens. (Remember that Manchester City Centre stops cannot be used for 2 consecutive moves under Ogden's...OR Steinwibblywobbly's for that matter...so it's out-of-town for you, my lad.)
That's the spirit craig me lad! You could have let me catch a crab there as I had forgotten the non-consecutive rule. Thanks for the tip off :D . Out of town eh? Let's see what you make of .......
Penny Lane :lol:
stonekeeper
10-07-2003, 19:02
Craig and phil, i think a yellow van has lost its occupants!
Now i know what happened to the building that was replaced by Tesco's in Prestwich :lol:
Drat! And I thought we had a new player joining the game then. :x
Penny Lane, eh? That's clever. D'you know, I wouldn't have thought of that if we'd have played all night. I bow to your thorough knowledge of all things Mornington.
It's funny stonekeeper mentioned yellow vans, I was just saying to the driver of my "special" ambulance this morning that, were he to remove the jacket and release my arms, I could show him how to play. Strangely, he declined.
Anyway, on with the show...and I'm going global...
San Diego Central.
(Ooooo, now we're on a new level!!!)
Glad to see you making good use of all 3 levels of the board craig.
Ventura Highway :roll:
What was the name of the station in the Harry Potter books/films? The one with platform 9 and 3/4? Damn, can't remember.
OK then, Grand Central Station. (But watch out for the NYPD, they prosecute non-US nationals caught using their station for Mornington Crescent without a licence. You've been warned!)
I know the one you mean craig. It's on the tip of my tongue. Sounds like a pub name as I recall. Or maybe a film? Something like Monarch whatsit. Or am I thinking of the butterly? Do you know I've not had sex since 1950? Over two hours now but I 'm still knackered. Anyway, can't stay chatting for ever you know, I have a move to make. Let me see ..... oh yes,
O'Connell Street. Pretty safe as it's nowhere near St. Patrick's Day.
Gare du Nord.
Plain and simple. No handy hints, no helpful advice, not this time. You're on your own.
Hmm, not even a hint of a clue eh? Well then if I'm on my own that means the buck stops here. In which case, it can only be ........
Pennsylvania Avenue. (citing the Concord Agreement)
Oooo, you swine. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were heading for Canada, then India, back through Kenya and home to Mornington Crescent.
However, because I'm sharp as a tack, I've uncovered your little plot.
So, Jupiter Central. (I'm assuming we can use the inter-galactic 4-D green tinted perspex board under Ogden's?)
I'm a bit puzzled by the inter-galactic reference because the only Jupiter Central I know is in Brazil although the Hispanic spelling is slightly different. Assuming that you know what you are doing though (risky tactic, I know), I will move to Santa Monica Boulevard.
And yes, I am aware that travelling east can make you lose a day, but only if you go far enough east.
Yes, but east in terms of inter-stellar travel is measured in nano-marks (ie. kilometres travelled divided by time elapsed and multiplied by the number of the bonus ball on the Peruvian National Lottery) so the "losing a day" thing only applies in the terrestrial version.
I shall persevere with the inter-galactic board and thus....
Alpha Primula Dairylea 7 (platform 14b).
I think you'll be hard pressed to block my next move, which I'm sure by now you've spotted.
I can see very clearly that you are using the intergalactic route and intend to use hyperspace to travel through alpha centauri, the milky way and the andromeda belt in an attempt to reach mornington crescent via a wormhole. However you neglected to observe that I can stymie your route at a stroke simply by inverting the board so that we both end up in the delta quadrant.
Thus invoking inversion, I can move to the Champs Elysee safe in the knowledge that French air traffic controllers strike action will force you to use the channel tunnel. Emerging at Waterloo, you have a severely limited number of options. (Quad Erat Demonstrandum)
It would seem that the gloves are off. Your ebullient use of Latin is the final straw.
From Waterloo to Ho Chi Minh Central station, back across the Steppes arriving in Moscow, transferring to Helsinki on the red-eye trans-continental express before catching the new (and as yet unpublicised) sub-North Sea rail link to Birmingham New Street.
And it's a only a short hop from there to........yes, you guessed it..... Mornington Cre....oh, hang on. I didn't go via Helsinki, did I? How could I have erred so badly.
Back to Moscow. Your move.
craig you are just being silly now. Even YOU know that multiple moves are not allowed under the terms of the Geneva Convention. I'm afraid I have no alternative but to enforce the follow on, thus rescinding your move and returning the playing token to the box. That means I am free to put my little dog piece on Red Square, thereby annexing your own Moscow putsch. Long live Comrade Samanthski!
Then I shall build a hotel on Dherzhinski Square, thus ensuring that any move from your current location will result in a penalty stroke to me.
I therefore move my blue token to Heathrow Airport and my octgonal red dibber from Whitefield to Radcliffe Metropolis.
Vorsprung der technik, as they say in Bristol.
Humph, he's at it again doing that double shuffle!
I'm just going to move straight to Mornington Crescent without passing Go and not collecting £200.
Phil,
I genuinely didn't see that move coming. Out of respect for your skills as a Mornington Crescent Grandmaster, I humbly remove my pieces from the board and return them to the box, before quietly closing the lid.
paula_m
18-07-2003, 10:13
Please start again...even though I hadn't a bloody clue what you were on about, it was funny reading your posts, you probably need to book yourselves into the local mental hospital though :lol: & Phil has the cheek to say I need to visit my nursing home :lol:
Sorry Paula, I'm not allowed to make that decision. It clearly states under the rules of the I.M.C.C. (International Mornington Crescent Convention) that, and I quote, "in the event of any player spitting his dummy out cos he got whupped, a new game can only be introduced by a player of Grandmaster level or above."
Now presuming that nobody currently holds the rank of either General Overlord or Defender of the Realm, that leaves only Phil as a Grandmaster with the power to start afresh.
So if you care to use your womanly charms on him, he may be persuaded. Over to you.
paula_m
18-07-2003, 12:14
I'm sending him a text message as we speak :lol:
I await the call to arms of Lord Phillip of Mornington, Grandmaster (7th dan).
Tally ho!!!
(PS. Paula, did you use big words in your text? He might be confused if you did. Best to just be rude and then he'll respond!!!!!)
paula_m
18-07-2003, 13:27
He's just read the text, so get ready, he said asap 8)
Picture the scene...
I'm poised over the board. I'm already planning my strategy for beating the Evil One this time around. I'm bedecked in the ceremonial robes of Mornington, complete with Rising Sun headband and matching earrings.
In my hand is the.... (easy now!!!).... tribal scimitar of ancient Halati (that's the God of Mornington, to those of you who are puzzled) and I am about to offer a sacrifice to said God in His honour (look away now if you're of a squeamish disposition).
Here am I, waiting, waiting.....waiting.....
paula_m
18-07-2003, 23:03
hhhmmm !!!! perhaps another text is needed :?
Dead right. My arm's killing after holding this thing in my hand all night!!!!
You been waiting for me? Sorry, I was on a promotional tour of the Far East to raise the Mornington profile. I was exceedingly well received in Clacton (where a granny raised her kimono in my honour) but less well received in Skegness & Great Yarmouth. Seems that Viking ties are still strong there and they wanted to see more raping & pillaging in the game. Of course, as a third generation Crescenter, I favour the more cerebral approach. Now craig, put that bloody bread knife down or else you'll have someone's eye out. New game, eh? Fancy a go using Wheeltappers' & Shunters' rules? Whoever's at the board when the pies arrive has to buy the next round and no dribbling gravy on the board. First move - Walthamstow Central.
About time too.
*CLUNK*
Sorry, dropped the ceremonial penknife.
Leicester Square. (Assuming that use of the Wilmington Crossover is permitted under Wheeltappers and Shunters?)
paula_m
20-07-2003, 21:29
Told you my womanly charms would work Craig :roll: or perhaps it was the " get on the bloody board now, you're wanted" :lol:
All it takes is womanly persuasion and a Tweety Pie avatar. What more could a man want?????
paula_m
21-07-2003, 08:31
:roll: :roll: :roll: :lol:
Er, am I interrupting something here? Wilmington Crossover eh? OK, if you are sure that you really want to operate under Connexion Conditions without a preferred overdraft rate. But be warned, this game could cost you in more ways than one. Remember the pies!!! Bolsover Terrace.
Pies....mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Sorry, where was I? Bolsover Terrace, you say. Well, I shall see your Bolsover Terrace and I shall raise you 3 pickled onions, a scotch egg and....
Chipping Norton!!!!!
(Remember that only stations which DON'T fall on an intercity line can be used on a Monday.)
Phil, before you reply, I suggest we should both make a concerted effort to get new players to join us at the table.
I think Paula is itching to have a go, but isn't quite sure where to start (a good scratch usually does the trick...boom, boom!!).
How's about we reduce the entry fee to four shillings and thrupence and also issue her with a "Help me, help me, I didn't mean to make that move" joker card?
As Grandmaster, the pendulum swings only towards you, o dark one. I await your gracious decision.
paula_m
21-07-2003, 15:11
I'm so pleased I've brought you two together again :lol: :roll: :roll:
And lovely it is too. But I need more. I've never had a Mornington threesome before. Oh matron!!!!!
paula_m
21-07-2003, 22:55
I wouldn't know where to start, Phil tried to explain it but I got lost, don't say it ...... :lol:
I'd rather read you mad lot anyway, a good scratch eh !!! maybe , just maybe :roll:
There ARE other players out there craig. Maybe if you put out an all points bulletin on the main board and I send out some special PMs to known previous participants (of appropriate ability level) we might get an infusion of talent. Or we might just get some players - this is a Bury F.C. board after all.
About entry fees, I think it might be more attractive if we charged no more than 4 groats as an introductory offer with subsequent season tickets being available at a sliding scale of rising fees if paid for by certain calendar deadlines but with an upper price band not exceeding 10 guineas.
If you check the definitive rules as printed in Mills & Boon it does state; "All Mornington Crescent games should be contested between players of equal or adjacent levels of competence as determined by reference to either The Beaufort Scale or The Plimsoll Line (either method being deemed acceptable). However, where players of a lower rating wishing to improve their standard are involved the ability to rescind a move, seek guidance from any player NOT sitting alongside or learn in any other approved manner how best to proceed is permissible." In which case, provided we agree to Paula being able to exercise her womanly charms there's no problem with her joining in. Should we waive the rule about bearing the left breast and removing one item of clothing before a player's opening move in this instance though?
OK, Chipping Norton > Petticoat Lane. Your move.
paula_m
23-07-2003, 09:29
:shock:
I don't take my clothes off for anyone you know :oops:
Can't you tell he's a teacher ..so.....eloquent 8)
I don't take my clothes off for anyone you know :oops:
Shouldn't that read "I don't take my clothes off for JUST anyone you know." And anyway, it's only ONE item.
I'm all for the waiving of certain rules should it help a newcomer to become involved in the game. Although, I think we should refine your suggestion slightly.
I propose that we waive the bearing of the left breast and removal of one item of clothing in exchange for a new ruling which involves hopping on one leg continuously for 36 hours between moves (weekends only).
Slightly less exciting, I grant you, but hellishly entertaining!!
So, Petticoat Lane. Under conventional standards that would have been a smart move, but I fear you have overlooked rule 139 sub-rule 3a. I refresh you as follows:
Any player who moves to a station containing the name of an item of women's clothing must don said item and must wear it for a week. Furthermore, the player should shout loudly, at regular intervals "I'm a teapot, I'm a teapot, what kind of teapot am I?" whilst holding their right fist against their right hip and extending their left arm upwards at a cheeky angle, thus taking on the facade of a teapot".
How could you have forgotten such a basic rule?
I shall, in light of this foolish oversight, race onwards towards Little Hetherington (a small country station outside of Worcester) where I shall taunt you mercilessly, safe in the knowledge that you can't follow me for fear of looking a right jessie in your petticoat, acting like a teapot.
Your go.
paula_m
23-07-2003, 15:57
you two are priceless :lol: but you'll have to count me out for the moment, I can only stand on one leg at present, & if I hop then I'm afraid I'll end up on the floor :oops:
Phil, have a word. Use persuasive tactics. As she's only got one leg at the moment (I'd love to know the story to that one!!), I would suggest the use of the round house leg sweep, as perfected by Daniel-san in Karate Kid.
Go to it.
(But take your petticoat off first!!!! :D )
paula_m
23-07-2003, 23:04
below is part of a pm I sent
Promise you won't laugh now :oops:
I popped into the hospital to drop off some flowers for a client, when I was walking along minding my own business when this "thing" decided to bite my foot, it came up like a balloon straight away,the nurse on the ward I was visiting said I ought to go to Casualty they gave me antibiotics straight away, a cream to rub in, looks like an infected insect bite.
I normally wear a size 7 shoe but at the moment I'm wearing my Husbands size 9 slipper & I'm still bulging over the top.
Instructions not to walk on it let alone stand, I've to sleep with as many pillows under my foot as possible, great sourse of hilarity in the bedroom I can tell you .......
Hey you said you wouldn't laugh :oops:
Looking on the bright side, there can't be many better places to have something like that happen than in a hospital.
I've always said that if I was to be run over, I'd rather be run over by an ambulance. :?
Anyway, get well soon!!
paula_m
24-07-2003, 09:17
:roll: wow !!! I expected some thing else there, I can see your shoulders shaking with laughter though :lol:
not so bad this morning, just still very red
I can be very sensitive when I try. I'm a new man, you know. I once did my own ironing.
Anyway, shouldn't you be hoovering? :wink:
paula_m
24-07-2003, 09:27
I believe you thousands wouldn't :lol:
then you go & spoil it
oooooer :evil:
I shall have you know that my household skills are manyfold.....
Ironing
Cleaning
Washing up
Washing
Gardening
The list is endless. The only thing I don't do is cooking and that's because my missus won't let me loose near an oven. I burn water!! But apart from that, I'll turn my hand to most things domestic.
I don't cry at soppy films though...I'm not that much of a girl!!
paula_m
24-07-2003, 09:41
My Hubby cooks & Gardens ... bugger all else
& passes me the box of tissues when the films come on, I cry at Better Homes when the householder starts to cry :oops:
And don't tell me....your ideal night in would be a bottle of wine, good food and Laurence Llewelyn Bowen?!?!?
paula_m
24-07-2003, 11:15
as well as ..... the food & wine sound ok though...
give me a night out dancing ( but not at the moment though :lol: ) & I'm as happy as Larry
wonder where that saying came from :?
You could have a night out hopping!!!! How long before the foot gets better? Did they tell you or is it one of those medical mysteries that doctors seem to be clueless about?
paula_m
24-07-2003, 11:38
"they" said to rest it for the week, it's not so swollen or itchy this morning but still quite red, I just had to watch the infection didn't spread up my leg, & to reduce the swelling really, I might try & go in on Saturday for an hour, I'll see otherwise, Monday, Good job I've got good staff :)
Wonder where Phil is, perhaps another text is needed or a voice message left on his phone maybe :lol:
Quick question if you don't mind. Are you from Bury originally? Or is your fella a Bury fan? Just wondered why a midlander would support Bury. Unless you're from here originally of course.
Right, I'll stop being nosy now!!
paula_m
24-07-2003, 12:32
:lol: it's a long story, but no I'm not from Bury,(I'm a Black Country wench) (Stourbridge born ) or "him" he doesn't really watch footie (any team) fishing is his thing . but I know someone who was connected to Bury FC & watched the boards out of interest, & got hooked so to speak :roll:
Hooked isn't the word, lady!!!! Not bad for someone who doesn't even support Bury to be the biggest poster on the board!!!
You have my admiration for being slightly nuts!! :spin:
paula_m
24-07-2003, 12:47
I've never been to Bury, but have been to a couple of "away" games Rushden & Kidderminster last season & met a few of the "posters"
Phil, DJAsh, V Shaped Badge, Badger , met Waldo when he came to Brum for karate comps with his kids (lovely family) & LittleAnt when he had to come to Brum for a meeting .. ... next game Kidderminster Aug 23
paula_m
24-07-2003, 13:03
oh ! I forgot Gordon, met him briefly at Kidderminster... he said I was "barking mad" too .. I'll have you know I'm a very sensible business woman , in real life :lol:
the jokes board helps to clock the numbers up ..
:roll:
When are you going to get this ^^ published? :lol:
Phil's going to be in for a shock when he reads it. :shock:
I reckon I'm going to reach 5,000 posts before he does now. :twisted:
I'm on about 50 more posts than him.
paula_m
24-07-2003, 13:25
Hooked isn't the word, lady!!!! Not bad for someone who doesn't even support Bury to be the biggest poster on the board!!!
You have my admiration for being slightly nuts!! :spin:
My heart will always belong to the Baggies , but Bury is a very close second , but I spend more time on here than looking at the Baggies board, I can always look in the local paper for the news there :lol:
... next game Kidderminster Aug 23
I'll see you there then. Mine's a pint. :wink:
Woody, I thought you were going to join the game then. Phil would've been delighted. He's always on the lookout for new recruits to his obscure and slightly offset world!!
Mind you, so am I!!!!!!!!!!!
paula_m
24-07-2003, 13:29
:lol: better reading than the novel we're writing below
:lol: he'll have something to say no doubt , while the cat's away eh!!
Talking of the cat, where is he? He's been conspicuous by his absence.
paula_m
24-07-2003, 13:39
... next game Kidderminster Aug 23
I'll see you there then. Mine's a pint. :wink:
King & Castle over the bridge right by thr train station, smashing chips too, ask Craig VSB :lol:
I've not spoken to him but I'll send him a text message :?
King & Castle over the bridge right by thr train station
I'll wear a rose in my buttonhole and carry a newspaper under my left arm. We shall meet under the clock near platform 8. :shock:
paula_m
24-07-2003, 14:11
hee hee :lol: the pub is the old station house for the Severn Valley railway it's a bit confusing, as there isn't/wasn't a sign . out of the train station 2 platforms I think .. turn left over the bridge & hey presto there's the pub
I'll let you know nearer the day what I'll be wearing/carrying 8)
paula_m
24-07-2003, 14:24
A text message sent but not read as yet :?
I'll let you know nearer the day what I'll be wearing/carrying 8)
I'll be wearing my heart on my sleeve (ie. yelling like a drug crazed fool to get the boys going on the pitch) and I'll be carrying most of my mates home (they'll all be bladdered and I'll be driving).
Super!!!
AHEM! AHEM! AHEM!
Is it possible to play a game round here? Or would it get in the way of all this romantic tete-a-tete that is going on? Puh! to woody, if all he thinks of is posting to hit landmarks. I prefer quality to quantity.
As regards the reference to petticoats some while back, I will have you know that I played that move deliberately, anticipating your response craig. And all because I look very fetching in lace (& leather too should you be interested).
If you insist on going provincial in your moves then I have no option but to merge provincialness with exoticness in terms of locations.
Hence, Bowker Vale (as you appear obsessed by trains).
Exotic? Pah. You have proved yourself to be nothing more than a shambolic amateur. Everyone knows that Bowker Vale is grubby and 'orrible and in no way exotic. Unless there's a lap dancing show going on at the time, THEN you could call it exotic.
And as for my obsession with trains....
St. Pancras.
Hah, eat that.
I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS , I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS, I LOVE TRAINS..................
OK, I ought to have made it clearer that I actually meant exoticness in terms of name not physical location. And I fully appreciate your comments about Bowker Vale. Don't they say that a train onsession is an indication of either impotence or shame about one's personal equipment?
Right then, I move to Woodlands Road.
See how I always attempt to take this game upmarket?
Upmarket? Pah. You have proved yourself...blah blah blather blah.
It's not the size of your train, it's the tunnel it goes through that matters.
Ooo, back to London!! Marble Arch. I thank you.
Yeah? Well MY 'train' is an underground one, so there!!
Dartford Crossing (no doubt YOU will be on the bridge coming into London while I enjoy myself in the tunnel.)
Yeah well, you smell. Right.
Charing Cross. No bridges THERE I think you'll find.
paula_m
25-07-2003, 16:01
:lol: 8)
Oh come on woman. You're gagging for a go. You know it. Be brave. Phil'll hold your hand if you want.
Marylebone (that's one less station for YOU to use!)
paula_m
25-07-2003, 23:58
Oh come on woman. You're gagging for a go. You know it. Be brave. Phil'll hold your hand if you want.
I told you he tried to talk me through it, I couldn't hold up for laughing :lol:
Well, for YOUR information, I wouldn't have used Marylebone anyway. So there.
Euston.
Trains, glorious trains........
Fleet Street
The absence of comment, I feel, speaks most eloquently my regard for your move craig. I notice it is taking you some time to return to the board!
paula_m
29-07-2003, 07:13
& I don't have a number to text him either, :lol: you'll have to play with yourself for a little while :roll:
Awfully sorry chaps, been a tad busy.
D'you know Phil, here I was thinking that she was all sweetness and light and then she comes out with a filthy comment like that. Some people have no shame.
Anyway, when you've finished playing with yourself...
Bethnall Green. With interest.
Oh craig, the things I could tell you about Paula would make your hair curl.
Apology accepted my good friend.
Bethnall Green??? You cannot be serious!!!!!!!!
Are you seriously naive enough to think that I cannot see your ploy of using the North Circular Road to cross the river using the Blackwall Tunnel? Oh how easily are you countered!
Vauxhall Cross -- and look, the pies are coming through the door. According to Wheeltappers & Shunters Rule 3, clause iv, sud-section ix, paragraph iii that means it's your round. Make mine a Campari & Soda (ice but no lemon, & don't you dare touch my cherry!)
I knew it. I just KNEW it. You've gone right down in my estimation. I've always looked upon you as a role model, a father figure, if you will, in the world of Mornington.
But no more. No sirree, no more.
I want you to go and have a think about what glaringly obvious thing you've missed. I'm not making my next move until you reply.
Oh no, how could I possibly have missed THAT!!?
Of course craig, you are absolutely correct. Even in the basic lexicon of Mornington it is stressed and emphasised that no player shall EVER use, play or move to any place name with two or more words if such a place would be the third consecutive use of multiple-word placenames. Your canny use of comments had led me astray and I confess that I fell into the most basic of traps. As prescribed in the rules, I now forego my move, return my piece to its previous place of rest (viz. Fleet Street) thus clearing the way for your next move.
It's STILL your round though, so don't try getting out of that. And I'll have a meat & potato pie with mushy peas to go with my Campari & Soda. Cheers!
paula_m
29-07-2003, 22:17
Oh craig, the things I could tell you about Paula would make your hair curl.
:roll: You just dare !!!! remember there are things I could tell about you :shock:
But I'd be telling the truth Mum. Would you?
Come on craig, all t'pies'll be sold soon.
paula_m
30-07-2003, 07:39
I'm sure Craig would believe me rather than you, after all who's to know :roll: :lol:
Listen, I don't want to take sides here, but......
Phil, I know all about you and that donkey. It was in all the papers.
And Paula, I heard about the unfortunate incident with a swordfish and fifteen pints of lager. I believe they were very understanding at casualty.
I know all your secrets...or do I??? Maybe there are sordid things you would like to share with me??? I must ask Gordon about setting up a new forum. Message Board Auctions could become Message Board Bribes. Now who will start the bidding? £10 starting and £20 reserve on Phil's secrets first!!!!
Anywho, back at Fleet Street.......
I shall carry out the flip-reverse 1-2-3 move and replace your counter with mine. Yours shall be placed in an outlying area...say, Chiswick Gardens. Mine is now free to move from Fleet Street to.....
Ealing Broadway. (Don't forget the car park at Chiswick closes at 9pm, so you'll have to be quick.)
And I've just realised that my move is a bit of a double whammy.
I quote....
"Any player moving from Fleet Street to Ealing Broadway is exempt from the purchase of any alcoholic beverages for any other players. Ever. Even Campari and soda.
All other players are now liable to get 'em in for the player who's token now rests on Ealing Broadway."
Thus, a pint of Creme de Menthe with a Vimto top is now mine, I do believe.
Your sensational tabloid style rantings don't scare me craig muck-raker. Just you dare publish ANY of your allegations & the bootee boys will be round before you can say "Beam me up Scotty." Never been mauled by the chunky double-knit laced with dribble have you? Not a pretty sight I assure you.
Ok on with the game. You missed the time factor out of your equation so because you neglected to factor in the greenwich meridian line of latitude it means that your attempt to get out of buying a round is invalid. SO GET YOUR WALLET OUT YOU STINGY BUGGER!
Righty oh, back to the board as they say. Car park closes at 9 p.m you say? Well by exercising my right to leave my token there overnight I willingly pay the £6 congestion charge but am now enabled to use my complimentary bus lane pass and travel directly to West Brompton.
I hardly need to point out to you (so this is more for Paula's benefit) that by placing my token directly in front of yours your forward route is blocked thus forcing you to reverse your direction of flow and head out towards Heathrow. And in the summer holidays too! Oh what joy abounds!
Are British Airways staff still on strike? Oh dear, such a pity. I couldn't happen to a nicer bloke. (Actually it could because I'm a nicer bloke.)
Ho ho ho ho. Clever clogs. What a jolly super move, blocking my intended route like that.
But guess what? You've done it again. You've missed the VITAL clue from my last move.
Ealing Broadway? On a Wednesday? Ring any bells? No?
You've obviously forgotten about the workman's maintenance tunnel which runs due south, under the A5167 and through to....
Piccadilly Circus. Ha.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Surely you did not believe that those Men at Work signs were still current?
If you had read your Ferret Fanciers' Weekly properly you would have seen that the tunnel has had to be closed so that Josiah Grinley's prize ferret can be ferretted out (excuse the pun) and will not re-open until August Bank Holiday weekend. Which means of course, that you are stuck in a subterranean cul-de-sac! Meanwhile, I move serenely on to The Mall.
paula_m
30-07-2003, 23:31
mmm & how much for the negatives then Craig ? :lol: 15 pints of lager, God I'd be legless after 1 :lol:
but whatever it is that you 2 are on I'll have the same please :lol:
Those negatives are priceless. They're going on display in the Erotica Museum in Amsterdam. Never before have woman and fish been seen in such perfect synergy. (I DID see a picture on rotten.com once with a woman and an eel, but that's another story!!)
So, my evil arch-nemesis, Doctor B, you seem to have foiled my plot to overthrow you and your twisted plans for world domination. I, however, will now play my joker.
A double back somersault with a half pike and twist, resulting in me breaking through the roof of the maintenance shaft (ooo, should I use that word on National Orgasm Day??). Hence, I am now free to skip three turns and move directly to....
Chalfont and Latimer. NOW who's the daddy???
15 pints of lager, God I'd be legless after 1 :lol:
Hmmm, Phil, if you're going to Kidderminster, get her a beer in before I get there and she might be drunk. Then we might get a peek at her swordfish!!!!
OK so you are out at Chalfont & Latimer, I'm on The Mall. That means you cannot possibly reach the congestion charge area in less than 3 moves. I can therefore proceed regally to Whitehall getting me ever nearer to ....... you know where!
By the way, the negatives are fakes. I should know since it was I who doctored them. The real images are just too gruesome for public viewing and so are safely locked away in a hard to find bank vault deep in the Marianna Trench.
Oooo, that's deep. Good job I have my 10 yard swimming badge. And I can get a brick from 6 feet down in my pyjamas and shoes, so I'll be just fine.
Whitehall. Isn't Whitehall where the Queen's Cavalry is housed? So, let me get this straight. You want to heaad down Whitehall? Near where the horses are? And you expect to get there in one piece? Pah.
The horses have just stampeded into your path, thus deflecting your little silver top hat piece into a parallel dimension. Your token has now been captured by the Vogon Constructor Fleet of Hitch Hiker's Guide fame, and is currently being whisked around the outer planets of the solar system.
I shall march relentlessly onward in your absence to Holland Park.
Now don't go crying to Zaphod Beeblebrox about your predicament, you got yourself into this mess, and he can't help you out of it. So nerrrrr.
SUCKER!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT PLOY!!!
Of course the Household Cavalry deflected me into a parallell universe - that was always my intention. I hoped for a lucky rebound, I admit, and nearly got it. I am now in the Dessai System bordering Giggle Anus so it's an easy thing to intercept you at the junction of Holland Park & Scotland Road. Thus my piece gets in front of you again as it rests on Embankment.
Bitch whore from hell. A curse on the seventh born of your seventh born. May small mice infest your abode and leave their filth wherever they roam.
Having said all that, good move. I didn't think of the Illington-Rumblemilk Rebound Theory. You REALLY know your stuff.
Just a quick rule check...doesn't any piece that has been within 3 stops of a transient time warp episode (such as the one you just went through) have immunity from being overtaken? I'm sure that's the case under the current rules. If so, I'll zoom past you by making use of my "Slingshot" card (gained as a result of winning the beauty contest last time round and winning £5 and a slingshot card) straight to Belsize Park.
Now don't you dare try and skip three moves to you know where. I won't allow it.
Just a quick rule check...doesn't any piece that has been within 3 stops of a transient time warp episode (such as the one you just went through) have immunity from being overtaken? If so, I'll zoom past you straight to Belsize Park.
Now don't you dare try and skip three moves to you know where. I won't allow it.
craig, you are indeed correct in your interpretation of the rules regarding unpassable objects (something to do with the size of organ used and its orifice - I'm afraid I don't know the physics too well). In which case you CANNOT zoom past me (even using a Slingshot card), but instead are condemned to use the by pass. You are still able to land at Belsize Park but ONLY travelling westwards.
You are playing such a superb game that I will decline the obvious move to (you know where) and instead alight at Greenwich. Over to you.
*tear rolls slowly down cheek*
"Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank my parents, for they made me what I am today. I'd like to thank God for giving me the strength to play so well. Most of all, I'd like to thank you, the people who nominated me. This award means so much."
*wave and another tear*
*sniff*
So then, Greenwich. Greenwich indeed. Ho ho, that's an easy one. If I know my rules (again) I believe I can take a rest break after my opponent uses Greenwich. I will therefore set my piece upon a park bench in Hyde Park. Before jumping to....
Monument. Roll us your cap, grandad.
paula_m
31-07-2003, 23:26
15 pints of lager, God I'd be legless after 1 :lol:
Hmmm, Phil, if you're going to Kidderminster, get her a beer in before I get there and she might be drunk. Then we might get a peek at her swordfish!!!!
hey I hope you're not planning a Tracey & Roy episode, I'll be looking out for a packet of white powder you know :lol:
Damn, foiled at the final turn. I must remember not to bring that packet of Daz (Brighter whites at a price that's right - will YOU take the doorstep challenge??)
Anyway, don't need to get you drunk now. Phil helpfully e-mailed me copies of the official negatives (as opposed to the fake ones with your head on Jordan's body that I've got), so now I know EXACTLY what all the fuss was about.
I've never seen such a huge.......
Oooo, must go. The washer has just finished.
paula_m
01-08-2003, 00:19
I wouldn't need to have my head superimposed on anyone's body :lol: ,
it was his face on those pics, the ones where he's wearing his fishnet body stocking, the donkey was standing just behind him 8)
D'you know, I THOUGHT you looked a bit masculine. Now it all makes sense. So it was PHIL in the pictures then? Hmmm, I have to admit, I was strangely attracted to the pictures. I couldn't tell if it was the face (no chance, now I know it was Phil), the body (although the thought of all that Jordan silicone is enough to put anyone off) or the donkey!!
paula_m
01-08-2003, 23:16
the thought of all that Jordan silicone is enough to put anyone off) !
Some of us have it others have not.... hence the silicone :lol:
When you have QUITE finished all this asset drooling (thought you'd had enough of that in Chinese Whispers).
What a superb speech craig. I thought I was at the Oscars again for a moment. How on earth do I follow something as heartfelt as that? I know, Kew Gardens.
Oh VERY sneaky. I thought Kew Gardens was prohibited in August? Never mind, I'll let that one slide just this once...before moving on to...
North Harrow. Shabba!!!!
Prohibited in August? Think you are getting mixed up with that road to the south of France. That should definitely be prohibited in August.
Impressive move that. I can see you have been finely honing your Mornington skills. This early in the game I prefer to play safe (as you know) so a delicate little punt out to Chalfont Terrace for me.
Is delicate punting allowed during the summer season? As I'm not strictly au fait with the May-September rules, I'll have to let that one through.
Chalfont Terrace is a splendid move, filled with cunning, creativity and... sheer blind panic. I wouldn't have believed you could make such a knee-jerk move if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. You've clearly forgotten that Chalfont Terrace has the "Cluedo" style secret passage hidden behind the ladies lavs. I shall use said passage to my advantage and shimmy on over to Finchley Road & Frognal.
And everyone knows that on a clear day such as this, you can just about make out the dreamy spires of you-know-where in the distance.
*cue Baddiel and Skinner.....
He's coming home, he's coming home, he's coming,
Morley's coming home.......
I see that you posted at 09.25 hours in August. Obviously that was after dawn and the summer season specifically prohibits shimmying in daylight hours. Sorry craig but ignorance of the rules really is no excuse (unless you're paula apparently!) Of rather more concern is what on earth were YOU doing loitering behind the ladies lav on Chalfont Terrace? Surely you are not playing this round in your stilettos & fishnet tights? As that is the only explanation I can think of, I shall however use it to my advantage by electing to leave my token where it is (paying £200 to the banker) and move YOU to the Aidensfield road. Let's see how you fare on all those gravel tracks and cattle grids.
By the way, just to remind you, summer rules version of Wheeltappers & Shunters' only allow for ONE payment to the banker. Sorry to use that option so early but you WERE perilously close to "you-know-where".
Just when you think things are going well, along comes Johnny Pedantic with his "can't do this, can't do that, don't wear fishnets" rules. If you can't win by pure skill, then it's a poor do. All this relying on legalities will do your Mornington Credit Rating no good at the Mornington Central Chamber Of Financial Affairs And Shenanagins.
However, on a brighter note (personally), Aidensfield Road is an area well known to me. I spent many a happy hour there when I was carrying out my SAS training, so escape from such a backwater will be no problem to me.
I note your payment to the banker and I also note the one-payment-only rule, so I have no choice other than to board the express shuttle service to...
Ladbroke Grove.
With a toy llama under my arm. Which of course prevents you from moving my piece for the rest of the game.
Cute llama craig. It even looks like you. I am surprised at you actually, whinging like that. Most unexpected. I can only put it down to sour grapes or time of the month. Anyway, without further ado, I move to Kennington.
Yeah but my dad's harder than your dad, so shut it. Right.
Erm, Stamford Brook.
Ooh tetchy tetchy tetchy! Naughty baies who throw their dummies out of the pram have to have the bottle at bedtime you know. :D
Actually i had better beware enraqging you as your moves definitely improve when you get an adrenalin rush like that. In which case, a cattenaccio-style move to Little Italy smothering your attempts to use the canal system.
Hmmm, cattenaccio eh? I like that. Lightly toasted with olive oil drizzled on top. Ah, the hazy days of an Italian summer.
But enough of this rubbish.
Hammersmith. Where there are no canals and no need of same. My superior tactics will win the day, without resorting to water-based escape routes.
Hammersmith - in this heat? You are crazier than I thought. Even you must know how steamy it gets in a crowd. On your head be it though - especially as rush hour approaches. Trafalgar Square if only for the fountains.
Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes, yes, yes, yes. I KNEW you'd fall for it.
Fountains? In this heat? Are you mad? You MUST know that fountains = water. Water = moisture. Moisture = seepage in between wheels. Seepage in between wheels = frozen in winter. Frozen in winter = expands and cracks wheels like peanut shells in a giant's fist.
So I shall simply sit here and wait until early January when you shall grind to a halt.
Why, oh why couldn't you see something so simple?
I shall make the most of your errant manoeuver and hop, skip and slither to Lambeth North. Where I shall batten down the hatches and wait for winter.
I don't know who you employ as your intelligence agents craig but I think you need to ring your local job centre. True, your agents discovered that I have top secret travel plans scheduled for Friday but I am away from the board for a WEEK only. So how on earth they concluded that I shall still be in Trafalgar Square by winter, heaven only knows!
A small point but important I feel - had you alighted at Lambeth CENTRAL rather than Lambeth North, you would have been able to make use of the back passage opposite Cleopatra's Needle. Meanwhile I shall ascend Nelson's Column & paraglide my way to Hanover Square.
Thank you for feeding me such a wonderful line. I have no doubts it was intentional. Here goes...
The only back passage I've been up is....
Ooo matron etc etc.
You appear to have overlooked the obvious once more Phillipe. I haven't yet played my "rooting" card, which forces you to leave your piece on it's current square until February 2004. Fortunately for you, you were quick enough to escape before I had laid it on the table. Good move, old adversary.
In light of my failure to trap you in 4 inches of snow, I shall scoot off to Mudchute with a song in my heart and a skip in my step. And there I shall wait for you to fall into my next cunningly devised trap. Young fool.
Ok, this is quite probably my last post for a while - off tomorrow for a week in sunny sussex so i had better think carefully about what trap to lay given that you will have a week to ponder your response. Hmm, not able to paraglide again for a second successive move, but your almost incessant ramblings about snow and winter has givn me an inkling of what your tactics are. You want to be first in line for the Christmas sales at the Ann Summers shop obviously. Well the nearest to Mudchute (I looked it up) is at Denton, but Jack Frost is intent on closing it down. In which case I will assist him in his travails against the likes of you by installing roadblocks on all roads out of Nether Wallop and move myself to Earls Court where I shall observe your pathetic and increasingly futile attempts to escape the constrictions on th egiant screen especially installed in the Firkin Cooper's Arms.
I am very tempted to make my next move Swansea. Just to brag that I'm going and you're not. Nerrrrrrrrrrrr!!
But I won't. I shall move three steps sideways and use a bridging jump to the upper left quadrant of the board, before settling my piece on...
Winter Hill.
Ah haaaaaaa. My seasonal ploy has been rumbled, but as you will appreciate, my view of the whole board from this high up is spectacular. So whatever feeble move you make next I can see from a mile off. And why would I need to queue up this early at Ann Summers? I have a weekend job as a tester for blow up dolls. My needs are satiated!!
I await your next move. After the Mornington summer break.
paula_m
09-08-2003, 00:10
I And why would I need to queue up this early at Ann Summers? I have a weekend job as a tester for blow up dolls. My needs are satiated!!
Why am I not surprised at that :shock:
And what do you mean by that? I simply meant that I apply patches to rubber dolls which have been punctured, thus satiating my need to repair things. So there.
It's the sheep that need to worry in about 12 hours time!!!!
paula_m
09-08-2003, 09:34
so how do you test them then :?: :lol:
you have a good time in Swansea, I'll be on my way to Ibiza at kick off, but I'll be thinking of you all, if the internet connection is still working I'm sure I can find a spare minute or two to catch up on the games... we'll have to wait & see otherwise see you next week 8)
Winter Hill? How mundane is that? I have ben expecting that move ever since the whole seasons theme began. What took you so long? As I recall you cannot see a thing up there because of the local mist that comes drifting & swirling all around. In which case you will NEVER see me creeping up on you from behind and shoving you into Anglezarke Reservoir allowing me to make a speedy escape to Angouleme Way (built on the site of my former primary school).
Ah, welcome back, old foe.
Angouleme Way? Bizarre. With a move like that, you leave yourself open to all kinds of abuse, both physical and mental.
A simple move to ease you back in gently....
Harwood and District.
And for your info, the mist cleared just in time for me to see you sneaking up on me...that's why I'm still dry as a bone.
Less of the 'old' you curmudgeon! Time for a few frantic moves before Friday when I travel out into the wild blue yonder once more ministering aid & succour to the needy?
Harwood & District eh? No doubt you will also want to use such quaint passing places as Affetside, Ainsworth & Three Arrows. Your tactical awareness really is wilting in the equatorial heat isn't it? Is the humidity hindering you moving any further than you have been doing lately or are you still tied down by the rope around your ankle?
OK, the game's afoot. Cry 'Havoc!' and unleash the dogs of war! Turton Bottoms (bet that surprised you - it did me but that's another story about the bicycle and the windmill at Lytham St. Annes).
paula_m
19-08-2003, 07:13
King & Castle over the bridge right by thr train station
I'll wear a rose in my buttonhole and carry a newspaper under my left arm. We shall meet under the clock near platform 8. :shock:
still on for Saturday?
still on for Saturday?
All being well. We'll probably be down at midday to watch the United game, but I'll have to consult 'er indoors to see if I can get an early pass!!
the windmill at Lytham St. Annes.
Ahhh, childhood memories. Many's the summer weekend I spent in St Annes at my aunty Peggy's and uncle Ron's. Saturday afternoons filled with boating trips on Fairhaven Lake, followed by the obligatory ice cream. Joy unlimited!!
So, Turton Bottoms. A foolish move by anyone's standards, but I'm utterly flabberghasted that a man of your social standing could blunder so heinously.
A quick left at the lights, over the mini roundabout and through the village, before stopping at...
Sowerby Bridge. And don't come the "mist on the hills" routine again with me, sonny Jim.
Ha Ha Ha Ha! You know I only half expected such an elementary mistake even from a dozy kipper like yourself craig. That left turn set you on course for the new dual carriageway with no chance of turning off before Halifax. I can just see you now with egg on your face because of that crazy overshoot that has landed you up to your armpits in the mudflats of Sowerby Bridge. However I will take pity on you and park myself at Todmorden where I shall wave my tow rope at you in a rather patronising manner.
*cue "Acme Mud-a-way", purchased from Wile E. Coyote....
Ha. My secret mud removing gizmo has allowed me to escape from your fiendish trap with only a modicum of fuss and mither. But if THAT'S the game we're playing....
Off at Junction 27. Take A62 to Leeds. Place Acme Exploding Bird Seed on road. Hide behind Pack Horse pub. Wait for Phil to approach. Boom!!!!!!
Then escape lickity-split to Heckmondwike Central. Get out of THAT one. (No roller skates or jet packs allowed.)
Ooh will look at that, mother? There's a strange man over there trying to shoo away all those pigeons. **!!@`$3*&>/!&&%*$**
Well it serves him right for trying to stop the pretty birds from eating the seed. But it is a bit much that they exploded all over him. He looks a reet scruffy urchin now. And if he's married I hope his wife has a good memory. She'll need it judging by the state of his tackle.
Well never you mind about that mother, here we are now at Ilkley Moor. Have you got the picnic basket?
Picnic basket? This isn't Yogi and Boo Boo territory, you know. It's freezin' up on them there 'ills.
Ilkley Moor. Where ducks play football, if I recall correctly from my cub scout days. Ducks. Yellow. Submarine. Sea.
Southend. I know it seems as if this has suddenly become a game of word association...and it has!! So, from Southend, it's over to you.
paula_m
24-08-2003, 21:27
King & Castle over the bridge right by thr train station
I'll wear a rose in my buttonhole and carry a newspaper under my left arm. We shall meet under the clock near platform 8. :shock:
still on for Saturday?
I waited & waited, the clock was ticking, & I thought I'm wasting valuable drinking time here, so I carried on without you. Met Craig (VSB) & Dunc (DJAsh) instead :beer2:
Sorry, dear one. My PC was having all sorts of problems last week. I got the Welchia and Sobig viruses even though my anti-virus software was up-to-date. Couldn't get on to leave a message, but we ended up in a different pub (The Railway Bell I think). We were meeting some of the boys in there but I couldn't get online to tell you. Sorry!! I'll just have to wait until next season for you to buy me a pint. :wink:
paula_m
26-08-2003, 23:29
Excuses excuses ......
The Railway Bell is over the road from the King & Castle, you could easily have popped over the road, I may get to Northampton / Cheltenham yet need to check the diary nearer the dates.
Sorry you got the virus, TCP is a good antiseptic cream so they say :lol:
paula_m
30-08-2003, 00:30
Phil's pc has crashed .... normal service will be resumed asap :roll:
Phil's pc has crashed .... normal service will be resumed asap :roll:
Hmm, I'm not sure my service has ever been what you might call normal :shock: but I 'll do my best!
OK then bigboy, if it's obscure British landmarks you're after I know nothing more obscure than Logan's Rock (somewhere in Scotland I believe). Far more appropriate to our purposes than the likes of Southend I think you'll agree. And remember, no deviation, hesitation or repetition allowed.
P.S. as an act of generosity I will remind you that you have already played the Rimsky Korsakov Manoeuvre and so may not double back to other board games unless Uranus is bigger than Mars when viewed from a garden shed in Dover.
paula_m
07-09-2003, 21:07
Mmmmmmm now you're back 8) but where the hell is Craig? he's gone awol :?
have sent him an e.mail and a pm. hope his pc problem wasn't serious.
paula_m
08-09-2003, 23:30
he's been posting on y3k :?
Oh right, so the snoopers gang have been tailing me have they. I shall have to don long mac and dark glasses to avoid detection. But I shall under no circumstances be caught late at night in the park using my mac to scare old ladies.
Logan's Rock. Logan's Run. Loganberry. Strawberry. Straw hat. Top hat. Top marks. Marks and Spencer. Spencer Prior. Prior engagement. Engagement ring. Ring-a-ring-o'-roses. War of the roses.....
York. Platform seven. I thank you.
I need a drink now.
paula_m
09-09-2003, 23:39
sure you've not already had 1 or 5 :lol:
How dare you suggest I'm an halcofrolic. *HIC*
I'll have you know that I don't touch a drop. Just a small sherry at Christmas. In a pint pot.
And the occasional brandy. For medicinal purposes, of course.
And maybe a smidgeon of malt and hops every once in a while.
And.........anyway, I need to drink to keep up with Phil's inane ramblings.
paula_m
10-09-2003, 23:36
I agree.. he's enough to drive anyone to drink 8)
I agree.. he's enough to drive anyone to drink 8)
OI! I CAN READ YOU KNOW! :x :x
What is this obsession with trains craig? Are you severely lacking in the menswear department and need to use trains as a form of substitutional therapy?
Oh well, from York, tis but a cockstride to Stamford Bridge, the scene of Harald Hardrada's epic stand against the rampaging Vikings before he lost at home in the next round to the great Willy of Normandy.
Stamford Bridge? Tisk. Another brave man lost in battle to the Abramovich revolution. You've sold your soul to the devil by mentioning that name. Heathen.
So what rules are we playing now then? Are we naming football stadia? Battlegrounds? Or has it just descended into a free-for-all?
OK, so.......Blatherwick Common.
(Made up name, no idea what category it falls into. Losing the plot slightly now. In the words of the splendid Edmund Blackadder..."Cluck, cluck, gibber, gibber, my old man's a mushroom etc.)
There's only one riposte to Blatherwick Common.
Emmerdale Farm
Methinks this is getting silly though. Back to basics I guess. You can have that dubious honour. But then you are a more dubious person than me. 8)
I'll take that as a compliment, in some twisted, sinister fashion. I think.
Basic? Right-ho.
Canada Water.
Here we go again.........
Canary Wharf
Are you impressed by the symmetry of my reponse?
No.
Ealing Broadway.
I can't see how you're going to stop me making an early dash for you-know-where, after a move THAT good.
Bring it on, you slaaaaaaag.
As this is my 5000th post, and I have been saving it for this particular game, I think I may be permitted to bask in the glory and magnificence of my skill and prowess in so subtly and unobtrusively placing in your path the ultimate deterrent to your madcap and impetuous dash to "you-know-where". The dead skunk that you see before you, the tail towards your hand, will utterly compel you to turn tail and flee in the opposite direction (ha ha ha :twisted: ). Meanwhile I shall ever so casually saunter along the riverbank and enjoy the balm of a late summer evening as I mingle amongst the crowds emerging from the theatres along Shaftesbury Avenue. Beat me now if you can, you mugwump. :lol: :lol:
paula_m
23-09-2003, 23:49
Congratulations Phil :lol: you'll soon be catching Woody & I up :lol:
I was about to doff my cap in your general direction and congratulate you on reaching your posting milestone.
Until I saw your comment about me being a mugwump.
Nobody....I REPEAT...nobody, calls me a mugwump and lives to see the light of their next Martian triple-moonrise.
Fool that you are, you will have forgotten about my operation last summer whereupon my nostrils were surgically removed for entirely this purpose. So take your skunk and ram it squarely into your biscuit tin. Upstart.
Shaftesbury Avenue leads me to none other than East India Dock. And as a special 5000th post treat, I shall lay a subtle and cunning yet fiendishly brilliant trap in your path. A hailstorm of buffalo droppings on you and all your associates. Game on.
Toilet face.
Mars only has 2 moons. :)
Congratulations Phil :lol: you'll soon be catching Woody & I up :lol:
Actually Paula, dear it should be "..Woody and me.." or me and Woody (for preference). Sorry, it's the teacher in me. :lol:
Well Craig, as Woody has so pertinently pointed out, Mars has but two moons. Methinks the drink problem alluded to earlier in the game has assumed serious proportions for you. You are clearly seeing selective doubles (in which case mine's a double single malt 8) ). Meanwhile I will use the Dockland Light Railway to bypass your own move and avoid the buffalo droppings and alight at Woolwich where I shall catch the ferry on my increasingly direct route to 'you-know-where'. Take that pigeon fancier!
Mars only has 2 moons. :)
Foolish fellow.
Everyone knows that the larger of the 2 moons (name temporarily escapes me, of course) rises twice of an evening.
Tsk.
PIGEON FANCIER??????
You'll stop at nothing when it comes to insults, will you. Right then, you...you...you....SHEEP PESTERER. Hah. Serves you right.
(Just FYI, the Docklands Light railway is only immune from buffalo dung on a Tuesday. I wondered what the smell was!!!)
Woolwich. Home of everything that is wrong with society. I can't bear to stay in that flea-ridden, tick-infested pit any longer. From Woolwich to Old Kent Road.
Thus taking you three nano-steps further away from your intended target.
GOOSE MITHERER.
Old Kent Road? On a Thursday? You cannot be serious!!! You really want to go there on pension day? You're even dafter than you look you dozy old gizzard wangler. Unless of course you need to avail yourself of the post office facilities and get your own age-related financial gain. I suppose that means you will also be buying your usual bag of mint imperials and thick denier tights to protect you from the cold.
Well they won't help you much when I whisk myself off to Horseguard Parade.
Ha ha, just a gentle saunter around the corner and I shall be home and dry. Another victory to me I think. :lol:
Ha haaaaaa. Stupid boy, Pike. Horseguard Parade? On this, the little known 3rd birthday of Her Majesterial Holiness The Queen. Horses everywhere...not to mention the dung.
You're not going anywhere until at least Tuesday week, my boy.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far far away, I shall merely sidestep to my left and land safely on Pall Mall.
NOW who's close to victory? I'll give you a clue....
NOT YOU, SLITHY TOME.
WRONG MY SAD FRIEND!!! Following a weekend of energetic sedentary endeavour (driving to Merseyside & back) I am able to leap free of dung quicker than a melting lolly leaves a stick.
Pall Mall eh? Well it's in the right general direction I grant you but you overlooked my capacity for turning the tables on you. Observe closely and you will see that we are now seated on opposite sides of the board from whence we started. Therefore my move to King's Cross puts ME closer to home and consigns you to the periphery where you undoubtedly belong.
AND IT'S SLITHY TOVES, YOU THUNDERING GREAT WABE!!!!!!
AND IT'S SLITHY TOVES, YOU THUNDERING GREAT WABE!!!!!!
:oops:
King's Cross...King's Shmoss.
Anybody can try that old move, but only a true genius, the likes of my good self, can pull off the treble Finnegan escape manouver.
I cast a hex upon your pathetic plastic token, shunting it to Piccadilly, where it shall stay for the next 4 mega-turns.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, I slide through the barrier at Kew Gardens, glide along Old Kent Road before appearing platform side at...
Embankment.
Now who's slithy? And tomey? Or tovey? Or...
Embankment? Leaving me in Piccadilly? Not bad for an amateur. And after all, who but an amateur would still be using a treble Finnegan? That move was proven to be ill founded back at the Walmersley Road Bread Riots of 1574. I'm surprised anyone still remembers it let alone wants to use it :!:
Meanwhile, I shall remind you that all I need do is execute a double biryani in the tuck position and leap in a single bound to Mayfair where my cab awaits to transport me in luxury to ........ leaving you stuck in all the weekend traffic. Ha Ha! :twisted:
Leap in a single bound? Are you delusional? Open your rule book. Page 391. Rule 17. Sub rule 9a, third revision.
"Any player leaping in a single bound between the hours of 8am and 7pm shall be thumped squarely on the nose and called a big girl."
So, it gives me great pleasure....
BIG GIRL, BIG GIRL, YOU'RE A SMELLY BIG GIRL.
Right, now back to business. Obviously, your fracturing of the rules sees you penalised by missing a turn, so whilst you are incapacitated, I shall catch the monorail trolleybus from my current location to my new resting place.
Labroke Grove.
BIG GIRL, BIG GIRL............
I refuse to dignify either your move or tactics with any response other than ...... Burlington Arcade.
Sulking will not help you. Stick to the rules and we'll all get along just fine. No rattle throwing allowed at this level of the game, young whipper snapper.
East India Quay.
Baby!!
paula_m
07-10-2003, 23:20
young whipper snapper.
!!
:overwhel: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Might you be casting doubt upon Philip's age, per chance????
paula_m
09-10-2003, 22:59
My lips are sealed :lol:
My lips are sealed :lol:
Are you sure? :wink: I guess it's easy at 96 to forget your mouth is open though isn't it mum? :roll:
East India Quay is a misnomer. It's actually a dockside warehouse not the luxurious marina you'd expect. So, while you attempt to extricate yourself from a pub where the sawdust on the floor is last night's furniture, I shall glide serenely and majestically to Goodge Street.
Mewling Infant!!!!
paula_m
11-10-2003, 23:23
cheeky little bugger :lol: I'll give yer legs a slap next time I see you :lol:
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